So, there I was, tears
flowing down my face, sat in a random pub car park with no signal and what felt
like no hope. No, this is not how my Saturday night ended but rather it was a
Monday afternoon. Last Monday in fact.
After work I had an
appointment with a homeopath who lived on the complete other side of the city.
Google maps said that it should take 20 minutes to reach my destination. I left
with 30 minutes in my time bank. Fine, right? Wrong. Not only was the traffic
utterly relentless but my phone and my only hope of finding my destination had
decided that it could not be bothered to pick up any signal today. He was just
a bit tired.
I thought, that's
fine, I'll just print the directions off at work before I leave; You know, like
the olden days when you actually had to read directions. However, attempting to
navigate city traffic at rush hour while also attempting to read direction does
not really work too well. Therefore, I quickly abandoned the directions and
went with my gut.
Eventually, after many
three point turns and numerous full circles around countless roundabouts, I
reached the little village. But, could I find the man? No. Obviously not. That
would have been way to easy.
I drove up and down
the thin and too long village so many times that I was worried that I would be
pulled over for curb crawling. My appointment was at half five. It was not ten
past six.
Did I mention that the
majority of my nightmares are not of monsters chasing me down a dark forest but
rather they are of me turning up very late to something. That feeling of
knowing that you're late, like REALLY late, and not being able to do anything
about it makes me feel physically ill.
I gave up. Well,
almost. I did think about turning back and heading home but I thought no, I'll
give it another five minutes. I walked in to a pub, voice breaking from trying
not to cry and borrowed the lovely waitress' phone.
Ring. Nope, my mam
didn't feel like picking up either. I left the pub with some directions but not
much of a clue of how to follow them. Once more I travelled the length of the
village, shaking now.
Wait. I found it. I
FOUND IT. Forty-five minutes late but I actually found the stupid place.
I was in with the
homeopath for all of five minutes before his next patient arrived. And those
five minutes were mostly taken up with me trying not to completely break down
in front of him.
On the way home I
cried but just a bit. One of my biggest fears had actually come true. But do
you know what, I am still alive. My heart is still pumping, my brain is still
working and my lungs continue to feel the freshness of crisp Welsh air.
Fear is an interesting
thing. It is both horrible and wonderful. It makes you cry but also laugh. It
is what can stop us in our tracks but equally it is what can drive us to
accomplish magnificent things - if we let it.
Without fear we would
probably still be living in a cave somewhere taking turn to nap while preparing
to go out and hunt for our next meal. Without fear people wouldn't create,
wouldn't make and wouldn't succeed.
Fear shows that you
care. You care about respecting someone's time, you care about your future, you
care about your loved ones and you care about your career. However, giving in
to that fear means that you are preventing yourself from achieving what you want
from life. Fear is there to test us. Do you want it enough to break through the
dark and unknown wall? The answer is and should always be, yes.
I was terrified
turning up on my first day of university but I stuck at it and had the best
time and met my best friends. I was terrified turning up to my first day of
work but I turned up and I love my job.
Fear is something that
we should see as something wonderful; something that propels us into a brighter
future. Fear is something that we need to take control of and show who's boss.
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