SURFING CARCANS-PLAGE

55 mile cycle ride

A few months ago I entered myself and my dad in a 55 mile bike ride from Richmond to Windsor. Although after a few changes it was my brother who ended up accompanying me to the starting line at Richmond Green along with over 7,000 other cyclists. I have to say that I had not trained specifically for this bike ride at all and over the last 2 weeks I have hardly been able to do any form of exercise due to the fact that I currently have an infection. With this in mind, it wasn't the best mixture to complete a 55mile bike ride, but I did it :) Yaaaay. 

My Part of The World: In Pictures

Here is a little look at my beautiful part of the world. There is nothing I love more than to go for walks in the late summer sun with Hendrix. Actually I think Autumn/Winter walks are my actual favourites so it's safe to say that I am looking forward to coming back home for a few days over the next three months just to walk in utter silence with but the birds, cows and sheep keeping me company as I look across the lush green landscape that we are so lucky to have here while being pulled in every direction possible, praying that my arm won't be ripped out of its socket, by Hendrix.

I know for a lot of people walking alone in the middle of nowhere is probably their idea of utter hell. I think we have horror films to thank for that one - thanks very (not so) much. However, I would find walking along a city street at night more scary. Saying that, I find most things scary so that doesn't really say much. Anywho, I digress. I have not really got anything profound to say in this blog post, I just wanted to show you some of the pictures I took while out on a walk earlier this week. So, I guess all that is left to say is - enjoy.

A VERY MIXED MIX TAPE

When faced with the question "what music are you into" my immediate response is rock/blues. It always has (except for the whole Sclub 7, Steps, Bewitched period) and most probably will always be my answer. I have been brought up in a house whose walls regularly vibrate with the sounds of AC/DC, Bruce Springsteen and B.B. King and have spent many a night queuing to go see the likes of U2, Jools Holland and the Manic Street Preachers.

However, if you looked at my Spotify playlists you would question my answer. Out of the gazillion playlists I follow or have created only a minority of them support my 'rock/blues' answer. My playlists range from the works of Jay-Z, Kanye West, Eminem and Dr. Dre to 90s classics from TLC, Will Smith, Nirvana and Shania Twain. Often a Blink 182 song is succeeded by Beyonce or the voice that is Tom Jones.

Even in my day to day interests I confuse myself. One second I could be totally engrossed in a rugby match and in a blink of an eye I'll find myself reading Bridget Jones' Diary all over again while listening to some Motörhead before settling down to read what's been going on in the world of international politics all while roaming Asos for a new dress or a nice pair of trousers.

I think this very random, questionable even, playlist that I have created for the blog today perfectly illustrates how maze-like my mind is. You never know what's round the corner up there. One morning  I'll wake up wanting to dress like Keith Richards the next I would do anything to wear the clothes of Cher from Clueless. I guess it makes my life interesting, ey!

HOW TO BE ALONE

I discovered this video while roaming twitter yesterday and thought it was pretty cool. Have a listen. 

STOP. BREATHE. RELAX: My attempt to stop worrying about life.

While writing the conclusion to my last exam of second year, summer seemed like a magical land. A land where I didn't have to get up at 6am, where I didn't have to sit at my desk all day staring at the blank, beige, terribly wallpapered wall that taunted me day-in-day-out. If I had to draw a picture of what summer looked to me while sat in the sports centre hall it might have included the odd unicorn prancing across a field and a few rainbow her and there. 

However, I seemed to have forgotten in that moment when I lost myself in my own thoughts that I in fact do terrible under a lack of routine. I started suffering from anxiety around four years ago. It started with the odd panic attack here and there but then it quickly developed into chronic anxiety that I just can't seem to shift. To be perfectly honest it's a hell of a pain in the arse. 

I text my friends and most of them are relaxing, watching television, reading, going on holidays and just loving summer as they most definitely should - God knows that we work damn hard at uni while we're there. Despite this, it seems as though my mind can't help itself but whizz around 24 hours a day seven days a week looking for ways to keep me busy and to just simply beat me up. By this I mean that sometimes my mind falls into a rather annoying place where all it can do is put me down - you're not smart enough, you need to be doing more, get your act together, you're way too fat. The last one is the one that gets me down the most. It really isn't the nicest place to be and it's just exhausting. 

Looking back, I definitely wasted my July away worrying about the most pointless things. That's the thing, at the time they most certainly do not seem like the most pointless things. In fact they seem like the most important things in the world. After my friend Ellie came to visit I made a promise to myself to just chill. Just stop. Just breathe. I have been getting a bit better. Hell, I even watched a whole film in two sittings the other day - that's a breakthrough. 

My constant need to 'do' something got a little crazy a few months ago when I found myself exercising everyday of the week (this went on for a few weeks/months). Not just a walk here or there but running 6-10 miles a few times a week, cycling and lifting weights. This wasn't the problem - I am used to working out a lot, the issue was the fact that I was not eating. I just felt sick all the time and for a few weeks I would only really eat porridge and watermelon which is not the best diet in the world. Despite this lack of eating I continued to exercise the same amount. Until last week that is. Last Friday evening I found myself lying on my bed feeling the worst that I had felt in a very long time with a wet cloth on my forehead just praying to feel better. 

Earlier in the day I ran 8 miles on a completely empty stomach and completely exhausted. When I arrived home I only ate some watermelon and a few slices of toast. I felt horrific. 

That was a turning point. That is when I told myself that things had to change. No more am I going to waste my days worrying about uncontrollable and totally ridiculous things. I mean, I probably will but I am going to work hard not to. No more am I going to exercise myself into exhaustion which I am still getting over. I am going to enjoy what remains of summer. I am going to (attempt) to stop bullying myself. Also I am going to try my hardest to lift this immense pressure that I put on myself and just go with the flow more. So what if I sit on the sofa all day watching The Mindy Project. So what if I get up at half 9 rather than 8am. It's the God Damn holidays! 

I think that people sometimes forget the pressures that are placed on young people these days and how that affects them. What I as a young person must remember is that the only thing you can do is your best and if that isn't good enough for some people then just move on - their not worth your time. I will soon be heading into my third and last year of university and by no means do I know what I want to do with my life but that is actually ok. You've just got to enjoy the ride because this is the only life you're going to have so you might as well just relax and be happy.