I'M PERFECTLY HAPPY, THANKS: THE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING.

"It's because you think you're too cool isn't it."

This is what some people think/say when I announce to them the seemingly shocking news that I do not use Facebook.

"But, like, everyone uses Facebook!"

Its not that I don't have a Facebook profile, I do. It's just that I don't care enough to log on. This might make me seem selfish, rude even, but I really do not care what other people whom I do not regularly speak to are doing.

The people that I adore the most and the people I count as my closest friends are in my phone. I text them, phone them and FaceTime them. I follow them on twitter and instagram and regularly meet up for coffee and a chat. These are the people that I care about. I don't really care about that girl five years younger than me that recently went out on an "awesome night out" and felt like posting a gazillion pictures of her and her "mates" drinking in a pub.

Social media is a wonderful, revolutionary and amazing thing. It has changed the way in which we live our lives, how we communicate and how we see the world. News is instantly available to us through twitter and push notifications from our preferred news app. Friends are but a click away and thousands if not millions of amazing people are influencing the world one blog post at a time. I am in no way berating social media or Facebook.

Facebook is certainly a great site. I mean, if it wasn't then it would not have become the mecca that it is, or arguably was, before Twitter and Instagram came on to the scene. Families and friends can stay in contact when they live thousands of miles apart and pictures can be stored in albums to look back on in years to come.

It is certainly not Facebook that is the problem. Rather, it's the fact that people want to constantly know what you are doing and where you are going - that's the problem.

I overhear conversations where people discuss certain events - who was there, what happened etc. - as if they themselves were a part of the celebrations, only later finding out that they deciphered all of this information from a few photos posted on social media.

It might just be me (it most probably is just me) but unless my friends are there or unless I am there I don't feel the need to learn every detail about THAT party.

Having been away at university for three years and recently returning home to live I am totally out of the loop and have no clue what is happening locally. I mean, I know what my friends are doing but I don't know the ins and outs of the lives of people that I barely remember from school and I don't feel that I need to know either.

I live at home but work an hour and a half away thus meaning that I spend most of my day either in work or on the road and my weekends are taken up with me attempting to catch up on sleep, attempting to relax or visiting friends and family in all corners of Britain.

I am certainly aware that people might think of me as 'strange' for not wanting to know every detail of everyone's life but I am perfectly happy just being involved in the lives of people that I genuinely care about.

Conversely, I regularly fangirl over writers, comedians and bloggers on twitter and instagram - people that I only know through the screen of my laptop. These are people that I admire. They produce incredibly witty, intelligent, beautiful and important work that I feel everyone should witness. The difference here is that I'm not prying to see what they got up to on the weekend, who they're hanging out with or what they wore to that party last weekend. Instead, I am updating their twitter feed to see if they have posted a new article, a new stand up show, some important news. These people are providing content that makes a difference - well, to me anyway.

I am an avid social media user and would dread to think what I would do if twitter, instagram or blogger were taken away from me, but when did everyone get so involved in other people's lives? I understand that we as a people have always been nosy, inquisitive, interested - whatever you want to call it - in other people's lives but when did it become an obsession?

Please don't think of me as weird or 'a bit up herself' for not wanting to know every detail of everyone's life. I care what my friends and family are doing and I care about the work the people I admire are producing and that's enough to keep me occupied for now. This might well  change in the future but for now I am quite happy.

FEAR: A TERRIBLE AND WONDERFUL THING.

 

So, there I was, tears flowing down my face, sat in a random pub car park with no signal and what felt like no hope. No, this is not how my Saturday night ended but rather it was a Monday afternoon. Last Monday in fact.

After work I had an appointment with a homeopath who lived on the complete other side of the city. Google maps said that it should take 20 minutes to reach my destination. I left with 30 minutes in my time bank. Fine, right? Wrong. Not only was the traffic utterly relentless but my phone and my only hope of finding my destination had decided that it could not be bothered to pick up any signal today. He was just a bit tired.

I thought, that's fine, I'll just print the directions off at work before I leave; You know, like the olden days when you actually had to read directions. However, attempting to navigate city traffic at rush hour while also attempting to read direction does not really work too well. Therefore, I quickly abandoned the directions and went with my gut.

Eventually, after many three point turns and numerous full circles around countless roundabouts, I reached the little village. But, could I find the man? No. Obviously not. That would have been way to easy.

I drove up and down the thin and too long village so many times that I was worried that I would be pulled over for curb crawling. My appointment was at half five. It was not ten past six.

Did I mention that the majority of my nightmares are not of monsters chasing me down a dark forest but rather they are of me turning up very late to something. That feeling of knowing that you're late, like REALLY late, and not being able to do anything about it makes me feel physically ill.

I gave up. Well, almost. I did think about turning back and heading home but I thought no, I'll give it another five minutes. I walked in to a pub, voice breaking from trying not to cry and borrowed the lovely waitress' phone.

Ring. Nope, my mam didn't feel like picking up either. I left the pub with some directions but not much of a clue of how to follow them. Once more I travelled the length of the village, shaking now.

Wait. I found it. I FOUND IT. Forty-five minutes late but I actually found the stupid place.

I was in with the homeopath for all of five minutes before his next patient arrived. And those five minutes were mostly taken up with me trying not to completely break down in front of him.

On the way home I cried but just a bit. One of my biggest fears had actually come true. But do you know what, I am still alive. My heart is still pumping, my brain is still working and my lungs continue to feel the freshness of crisp Welsh air.

Fear is an interesting thing. It is both horrible and wonderful. It makes you cry but also laugh. It is what can stop us in our tracks but equally it is what can drive us to accomplish magnificent things - if we let it.

Without fear we would probably still be living in a cave somewhere taking turn to nap while preparing to go out and hunt for our next meal. Without fear people wouldn't create, wouldn't make and wouldn't succeed.

Fear shows that you care. You care about respecting someone's time, you care about your future, you care about your loved ones and you care about your career. However, giving in to that fear means that you are preventing yourself from achieving what you want from life. Fear is there to test us. Do you want it enough to break through the dark and unknown wall? The answer is and should always be, yes.

I was terrified turning up on my first day of university but I stuck at it and had the best time and met my best friends. I was terrified turning up to my first day of work but I turned up and I love my job.

Fear is something that we should see as something wonderful; something that propels us into a brighter future. Fear is something that we need to take control of and show who's boss.  

NO MORE STUDENT LIVING

After work on Wednesday my mam and I headed down to Englefield Green near Windsor to start moving all of my stuff out of my student house. When I arrived I felt this turning in my stomach that I feel when things are changing or if I feel a bit overwhelmed. Seeing Hollie and Ettore's rooms empty was a bit of a shock to the system. I mean, I knew they had moved out but I just started thinking about the last year and everything that happened; All the reading, the essay planning, dissertation writing, food making, conversations had and films watched in our little three bed house on St. Judes Road - and then it was just over. As Hollie and I started work almost immediately after our exams finished we left the house quite quickly so I didn't have much time to process anything. However, after moving my stuff, cleaning a few bits and pieces around the house, I handed my keys back to the agency and just like that the door closed behind me. It's quite metaphorical really, isn't it - another stage of my life has ended and another has begun.

As a little break from moving and cleaning, on Thursday afternoon we headed into central London. With London's tubes on stop due to the strike the city was quieter than normal which was pretty sweet. When we were walking through Waterloo station to get to the Southbank it felt a bit like a ghost town and with the sun beaming down on the concrete floors it was nice to have a bit more room to breathe in the sweaty city.

After having a glass of prosecco on the rooftop garden of the Royal Festival Hall we made our way over to Covent Garden where we stopped in our usual spot - La Perla. La Perla is a Mexican bar that make THE BEST frozen margaritas ever. Although, we didn't have much time there as we were heading to Somerset House to visit The Jam exhibition.

One of my best friends, Katie works at Somerset House and she recommended this exhibition and as my mam and I love that kind of punk/rock music we had to go really, didn't we?! For some strange and unknown reason I had never been to Somerset House before but it is absolutely beautiful. The courtyard was spectacular and as the sun was out, there were loads of people sitting on little bistro table with wine and coffee reading books and having what were probably awesome conversations. The exhibition did not disappoint. There was so much original material from the band itself - letters, clothing, records, newspaper clippings and posters. It is well worth a visit!

We headed to Franco Manca for dinner - a place which probably make the best pizza in London. On top of their famous sourdough pizza base I ordered chorizo, buffalo mozzarella and tomato. OMG. It was so flavoursome and light - it was everything.

The National Portrait Gallery is open late on Thursdays so we had a walk around the gallery before perching ourselves on a few steps overlooking Trafalgar Square. At around half 8 it was still 20 degrees so we watched the world go buy before making our way back through parliament square, over Westminster bridge to Waterloo and back to the house.

The next day I said my final goodbye to the house, had coffee in Crosslands (the place where I spent 90% of my third year) and walked around Royal Holloway's spectacular campus before starting our drive home. It's a strange feeling knowing that come September I won't be making the trip back to Egham to start another year of learning but I'm sure more exciting things will come to fill the little hole that knowing I won't be returning as a student has left inside me!