Relax. Focus. Execute: The Best Piece of Advice I Was Ever Given

As I write this I have eighteen word documents opened on my desktop. Eighteen documents that are filled with dissertation chapters, notes regarding FBI Files, researched focused on news articles from 1952-65 and countless chapter outlines and random notes.

Yes, it’s that time of the year. It’s a time when dissertations need to be written, re-written, re-re-written, edited and bound. It is also the time of year when exams need to be revised for and the future needs to be thought about extensively. I guess you can say that it is pretty busy time of year.

Some days I have massive freak-outs about not finishing my dissertation on time or not managing to revise everything I need to revise (my friends can testy for this). Other days however, I feel as calm(ish) as you like, as though I have everything under control.  But I don’t have everything under control. Yes, I have my work and revision under control but the future is anything but controlled. I have no idea what I’ll be doing in three months time other than the fact that I will not be a student anymore.

STOP. BREATHE. RELAX: My attempt to stop worrying about life.

While writing the conclusion to my last exam of second year, summer seemed like a magical land. A land where I didn't have to get up at 6am, where I didn't have to sit at my desk all day staring at the blank, beige, terribly wallpapered wall that taunted me day-in-day-out. If I had to draw a picture of what summer looked to me while sat in the sports centre hall it might have included the odd unicorn prancing across a field and a few rainbow her and there. 

However, I seemed to have forgotten in that moment when I lost myself in my own thoughts that I in fact do terrible under a lack of routine. I started suffering from anxiety around four years ago. It started with the odd panic attack here and there but then it quickly developed into chronic anxiety that I just can't seem to shift. To be perfectly honest it's a hell of a pain in the arse. 

I text my friends and most of them are relaxing, watching television, reading, going on holidays and just loving summer as they most definitely should - God knows that we work damn hard at uni while we're there. Despite this, it seems as though my mind can't help itself but whizz around 24 hours a day seven days a week looking for ways to keep me busy and to just simply beat me up. By this I mean that sometimes my mind falls into a rather annoying place where all it can do is put me down - you're not smart enough, you need to be doing more, get your act together, you're way too fat. The last one is the one that gets me down the most. It really isn't the nicest place to be and it's just exhausting. 

Looking back, I definitely wasted my July away worrying about the most pointless things. That's the thing, at the time they most certainly do not seem like the most pointless things. In fact they seem like the most important things in the world. After my friend Ellie came to visit I made a promise to myself to just chill. Just stop. Just breathe. I have been getting a bit better. Hell, I even watched a whole film in two sittings the other day - that's a breakthrough. 

My constant need to 'do' something got a little crazy a few months ago when I found myself exercising everyday of the week (this went on for a few weeks/months). Not just a walk here or there but running 6-10 miles a few times a week, cycling and lifting weights. This wasn't the problem - I am used to working out a lot, the issue was the fact that I was not eating. I just felt sick all the time and for a few weeks I would only really eat porridge and watermelon which is not the best diet in the world. Despite this lack of eating I continued to exercise the same amount. Until last week that is. Last Friday evening I found myself lying on my bed feeling the worst that I had felt in a very long time with a wet cloth on my forehead just praying to feel better. 

Earlier in the day I ran 8 miles on a completely empty stomach and completely exhausted. When I arrived home I only ate some watermelon and a few slices of toast. I felt horrific. 

That was a turning point. That is when I told myself that things had to change. No more am I going to waste my days worrying about uncontrollable and totally ridiculous things. I mean, I probably will but I am going to work hard not to. No more am I going to exercise myself into exhaustion which I am still getting over. I am going to enjoy what remains of summer. I am going to (attempt) to stop bullying myself. Also I am going to try my hardest to lift this immense pressure that I put on myself and just go with the flow more. So what if I sit on the sofa all day watching The Mindy Project. So what if I get up at half 9 rather than 8am. It's the God Damn holidays! 

I think that people sometimes forget the pressures that are placed on young people these days and how that affects them. What I as a young person must remember is that the only thing you can do is your best and if that isn't good enough for some people then just move on - their not worth your time. I will soon be heading into my third and last year of university and by no means do I know what I want to do with my life but that is actually ok. You've just got to enjoy the ride because this is the only life you're going to have so you might as well just relax and be happy. 

END OF TERM PLAYLIST //

Over the last few weeks, since I discovered Spotify was now available on the iPhone and iPad I have been listening to numerous playlists for hours a day - while I walk to uni and back, while I'm in the gym, while doing work in the Library, before going to bed - ALL the time! I decided to make my own little playlist of music that I've been listening to as the Spring term comes to an end. It's a lot of relaxed melodies and not so much of the heavy guitar music that I normally listen to - it all helps me to unwind after a rather hectic term. Hope you enjoy //  

CALLING THE PEOPLE OF THE WOLD - RELAX //

I am currently in my second term of second year at University and it's not all fun and games - it is mostly work. The jump from first to second year is more like a mountain climb - it's the biggest change in terms of the level of work that I have ever experience and it has taken me a while to get in to the swing of things. I only have lectures 3 days a week but that does NOT mean that for the rest of the week I sleep until 11am and sit on the sofa watching This Morning, Jeremy Kyle and Big Bang Theory. My typical day consists of getting up just after 7am, go the library, possibly head to Starbucks for a little break, head back to the library until early evening and then gym. I have told myself that even if I have work to do by the next day, if I haven't finished it by 8pm then it's not going to happen (reading wise, not essay wise). I get very anxious if I leave things to the last minute so I tend to finish things a few weeks in advance just so I can live my life as relaxed as possible because stress isn't good. I think the point I'm trying to make is that worrying is crap and it does not help anyone in any situation - trust me. It is a lot harder to practice than it is to preach but seriously everyone should worry less and then the world would be a happier place. I think that is my main goal not only for this year but for life in general - worry less, go with the flow more and just relax. That does not mean that you relax to the point where you don't do anything, I mean that if you time manage correctly and set your mind on something 100% then you will take less time doing it, you'll feel better and you'll enjoy life more. So everyone - relax, exercise and love living life because we have all got to do things that we somedays do not want to do but since we have to do them we might as well find a way to make those things more enjoyable. Am I right?!